#im just super nervous ughhh its awful

[pilotstreets]

i hope i wake up violently ill and stay that way until thursday so i don’t have to go to dance for the rest of the week

[angelblumes]

ello ive been sleepy 😴 9 hrs eryday lately but ofc I got neck pain 🙄 I got hit on by an old dude who tried to ask me for s** ugh I got extremely objectified.. dysphoria hit me after that also got triggered because of memories of a similar past experience 🤪 im good tho now I've been listening to music to go to bed very relaxing, I discovered jack harlows music he's alright also did you see lil nas new music industry baby? Idk if you like that kinda music but im sure you can appreciate the mv . Im also afraid of bugs I know were the same person at this point, mine started with the butterfly episode of spongebob 💀 😂 my winter depression is coming my summer anxiety is mostly GONE tho which is good in some ways bad in others. who do you watch on youtube just for curiosity ? my meds are late 😪 Idk if im gonna have tomorrows, here's something fun fact abt me tho, Wellbutrin xl , some personality to the me if you ... idk ppls kind of medicines says things abt them idk idk ✌ ☮ ❤ 🤟🤙🤙❤🌷

hiiiiii! so sorry that happened:( i'll kill him for you. i take welbutrin too......... we are so connected. my music taste is insane i listen to a lot of stuff but also nothing. i like lil nas x but i dont listen to his stuff. and jack harlow sounds familiar but... yeah. my youtube taste is awful. popular commentary people most of the time. but for actually good youtubers...eleanor neale, mina le, khadija mbowe... my friends and i talk abt nexpo's videos a lot. i tried to give some variety. um dude i've been totally awful recently to be honest. lost a friend group over stupid shit. again.😭. last ask i mentioned my friend mischa? we are no longer friends. literally an hour after i answered your ask. i'm trying to get over it but 💔. im going to baltimore tomorrow!!!! well today in 7 hours. haha. i need to sleep. i'm excited but nervous bc i feel super sick the past couple days :( a 4 and a half hour car trip will not help. i've completely changed my hannibal serial killer idea. oops. im such a genius for the last one but now im like ughhh but i want it to be PERSONAL. someone my oc knowssss. and can eventually kill. so im trying to work w that. trying to make her like an artist and the killer is copying her art but with murder... its a work in progress. i read one where a guy was copying the murders in a book series someone wrote. i saw my psychiatrist and she was proud of me🥺😭. got put on guant-something for adhd. yahoo. if it doesn't work i finally will get to try stimulants or whatever. i just have the feeling thats what im gonna need LMAO! last but not least i forgot to do my homework tonight. um.... and its due sunday and we're leaving to baltimore til tuesday. and i need my laptop to do it. but then i'd have to bring the stupid thing..... ok i'll just bring it. and do it at night secretly and pretend i didnt forget about it. perfect. its a really easy practice quiz but i'm a cheater. i need my laptop so i can search the answers on my phone. i have no excuse for this

[psychostrilondes]

out of all four of the strilondes rose totally feels like A Mom for them .....

like in their first months on earth c, its rose thats smoothing out misunderstandings with people who’ve never met eachother, like when dave has to leave all of a sudden in the middle of helping tavros move into his new apartment thingy (rose was there), and like when roxy suddenly doesnt really feel up to being her usual excited self and shes not very talkative at all and keeps just kinda staring at people, which they get a little put off by (rose was there then too), and like when dirk was getting to know equius and suddenly does a 180 and seems really put off and scowly and it just took one text to rose and then she swings by to bail him out with a pretend emergency :P

and she knows how to talk to all three of them, and how they all like it different?? out of everyone, rose is the one whos helped calm down the other three the most besides their own respective partners?? because shes a SiblingMom and its her Nonchalant Duty to help her siblingparents feel safe and happy :[

anyway dirk isnt really open to talking at all, him and rose just sort of sit together and he wrings his hands and tries not to let himself cry and his shoulders are all tense, but with a few key phrases from rose, “how are you feeling this morning?” not good, “would you want something to drink? i saw a vending machine close by that had bottled tea and coffee,” no, im fine, “its to my understanding equius is a little ... much for most? what did you think personally?” .... “when i met one of his selves for the first time on the meteor i was a little surprised. although it was mostly from a cultural point of view? as in, i was surprised that where we had our very eccentric humans, there’s the same interests in troll society-” “eccentric? im definitely not eccentric. he is eccentric. i thought it would be cool, you know? i thought .. you know, i just thought ..we could” and then dirk just kinda needs to cry for a little while, and let his self deprecating thoughts kind of fall out of his mouth, and he maybe lets rose pat him on the back and rub his back lightly for a couple minutes :O

and dave doesnt like to talk even a little, actually, he kind of cant?? hes all frozen up, and it always just happens all of a sudden when he accidentally focuses on someone cutting their steak with a serrated knife from across the table, and sometimes it just happens that karkat’s back at home for this little dinner holiday party thing, so hes on his own and that just makes it worse and he wants to be held and ughhh thats so dumb, he thinks, but it makes the tightness in his chest a lot worse oh no, but his sister’s close by and rose might be ok, hopefully shes ok tonight, maybe, maybe she’ll notice, and rose Does notice because dave just completely stops moving his hands holding his silverware and its like he just teleported away except his body’s still here, empty, except not actually hehe, and rose reaches close to him to maybe just grab a biscuit or something inconspicuously and tug on dave’s sleeve where he can see, and she tells him to come grab a drink with her, and then theyre alone, and daves Not Here, and rose wants him away from all the silverware and knife se- oh, dave still has his fork in his hand and hasn’t noticed, so she takes it and sets it aside and dave lets her,

dave probably likes the situation a lot less than when karkat helps him feel better because with rose theres a lot of crying somehow >n< rose says things like reminding him where they are, and how they got here, and how long theyve been on earth c so far, and they’ll be here for eons more, and somehow he goes from sitting beside her to leaning in her arms and clutching her tightly and crying dead-silently all over her shirt wtf how did this happen >:() regardless he feels better after what the heck

and then they agree to not talk about this to anybody hahaha awkward sibling hugs

roxy and rose have a super close friendship!!! roxy has this Awe for rose, and she feels a little stressed to appear really mature to her momsibling, so living with her on earth c is really bizarre, seeing rose all messy in the early mornings before she’s had coffee, and roxys really uptight and afraid at first, and it often pushes her into dissociating a bit, just a Neutral Dissociation most of the day, for many days, and its really sad :( she just seems a little absent, just a little, and even jane is asking whats up with her but she doesnt wanna explain why!!!! its embarrasing!!!!!

the truth is she has to talk about the issue with rose herself, and eventually when rose finally vaguely questions about her behaviors and with the way she links them to dave, she kind of casually caves after like 3 weeks?? like “im just, sort of nervous to be around you like all the time, youre just.. so amazing, and i dont feel enough” and OMG its just OUT there omg omg, but rose is just sort of like, “i can understand that given your upbringing” or something? shes just so dang casual, and graceful, even while shes pouring coffee into a mug, omfg, roxy totally swoons inside, but then she says “let it be said that you are always enough roxy, and youre a great friend to me” :( and then roxy DIES OMG this is her IDOL...... “and i dont have your rose’s memories, sadly. is it that you miss her?” and it totally hits her then that this rose isn’t her idol, theyre two different roses, and maybe rose might be a mind reader, is she a mind reader? ugh roxy asks rose to make her a cup of coffee too because hopefully itll wake up her vacant head and rose sits at the table and Talks with her

and at least with roxy it doesnt end in tears hehe

roxy is just so grateful to have her, and dave and dirk are too!! having a safety plan and a backup person is very very important, and rose is more than willing to help out her childsiblings <3